You want to be the best parent you can be, but sometimes it feels unbelievably hard to figure out a guidepost for us, especially in a culture that’s putting unattainable expectations on ourselves and our kids. We’re all starting to recognise that it’s not helping our families when we go with what society tells us, and it’s starting to become more and more clear that our culture is hurting our kids’ mental health.
I see it every day in my clinical work and in my own home: we’re raising kids in a world that measures everything… except the things that matter most.
Kids are surrounded by numbers from the moment they wake up. GPA, attendance, test scores, likes, followers, goals, stats, rankings. Even as adults we feel the pull. How many steps did you walk today? How many calories did you workout burn? Did you meet your quota at work? We are constantly nudged toward performance, comparison, and output.
And while there’s nothing wrong with goals or metrics, there is something wrong when they become the only thing that feels real.
How a Numbers-Driven Culture Impacts Our Kid’s Mental Health
When the world only rewards what can be measured, kids learn a subtle but powerful message:
“My value is in my performance.”
But the qualities that are truly important — connection, kindness, empathy, resilience, perspective-taking, community — don’t come with a score. There’s no rubric for compassion. No chart for honesty. No report card for how kids treat one another.
And because those things aren’t tracked, they often get pushed to the background, even though research tells us they are absolutely essential for long-term wellbeing.
So many families I work with feel caught in this tension: They want emotionally healthy kids, but they also feel pressure to keep pushing academically, socially, and athletically, because that’s “what everyone else is doing.”
This isn’t a parenting failure. It’s a cultural one.
What We Can Change at Home
We may not be able to transform the world overnight, but we can change the atmosphere inside our own homes.
Here’s what that looks like in practice:
- Talking more about kindness than about grades
- Praising effort, empathy, honesty, and responsibility just as often as performance
- Letting kids see us value community and relationships in our own lives
- Helping them slow down long enough to notice others
- Creating rituals that center connection rather than achievement
None of this means ignoring goals or pretending metrics don’t matter. It means giving kids a more balanced picture of who they are. It means reminding them that their identity is bigger than their output.
When kids learn that their worth isn’t tied to numbers, their mental health gains room to breathe.
The Culture Is Toxic
There’s a phrase we use in eating disorder treatment: “The culture is toxic.” More and more, I’m convinced this applies to modern childhood in general. The culture our kids are growing up in is pushing them toward perfection, productivity, and comparison at a younger and younger age.
But families have power. We get to decide what values we amplify inside our own homes. We get to create little pockets of connection, humor, and humanity, even while the outside world is shouting something different.
And honestly? Kids notice. It matters.
If this resonates and you want to go deeper into how we shift this conversation as parents, I unpack all of it in our podcast episode ‘Why Our Culture Is Hurting Our Kids’ Mental Health & What Parents Can Do Differently’. Have a listen on YouTube, Spotify, Apple Podcasts or any other podcast player.
