As parents, the way we talk about our bodies—both out loud and in passing—has a deep and lasting impact on how our children feel about their own. Research shows that one of the strongest predictors of a child’s body image is how the adults around them speak about theirs.
At Active & Connected Family Therapy in Falls Church, we work with families to reframe body talk in a healthier, more supportive direction. Here’s how you can start doing the same.
1. Lead with Your Values, Not Appearance
Before complimenting how your child looks, ask yourself: What do I really want to celebrate?
Start by reinforcing values like kindness, effort, creativity, or resilience. Instead of “You look so pretty,” try “You were so thoughtful with your friend today.” This shift helps children build their identity around who they are, not how they look.
2. Talk About What Bodies Can Do—Not What They Look Like
Highlight function over form. Say things like:
- “I’m going for a walk because it helps me feel calm.”
- “I love how strong my arms are—they help me carry groceries and hug you!”
This teaches children that their bodies are valuable because of what they do, not because of how they appear.
3. Model Body Acceptance in Yourself
This one’s hard. Many of us were raised in diet culture and still carry the language of “Do I look fat in this?” or “I need to lose 5 pounds.”
Break that pattern.
Instead of self-criticism, say:
- “This outfit doesn’t feel comfortable—maybe I need a different size.”
What you model becomes their inner voice.
4. Appreciate Body Diversity—Out Loud
Children start comparing themselves to peers earlier than you might think. Normalize differences early:
- “Bodies come in all shapes and sizes, and all are beautiful.”
- “You’re tall just like your grandfather. Isn’t it cool how we inherit traits from family?”
If your child notices differences in others, use that curiosity as a learning moment—not a shame-filled one.
5. Be Mindful of the ‘Toxic Debrief’
After social gatherings or holidays, avoid talking about who gained or lost weight, who looked “good,” or how your own body felt after eating. Instead, focus on interactions and traits that mattered”
- “It was so nice to spend time with my aunts and uncles.”
- “I love how your cousin is such an active and engaged listener.”
These small shifts reduce body anxiety and increase emotional connection.
6. Redirect Compliments Toward Inner Strength
When someone says, “Your child is so cute,” you might say:
- “Thank you! She’s also incredibly kind.”
- “Thanks! He’s been working really hard at school lately.”
Redirecting praise helps children see that their worth runs deeper than their looks.
Every Word Counts
Body image isn’t shaped in a single conversation—it’s shaped in many. At Active & Connected Family Therapy, we believe it’s never too late to start creating a more body-positive home. Whether your child is a toddler or a teen, you can help build a foundation of self-acceptance, confidence, and resilience; for them and for yourself.
📍 Ready to work with a family therapist in Falls Church who understands these challenges? Book your consult with us today »