As winter break approaches, families across the country are bracing for the annual re-entry of their college students. It’s a time filled with mixed emotions: excitement, anxiety, and sometimes a bit of tension. Parents are eager to have their children back home, but the transition can be challenging for everyone involved. College students return home having experienced significant growth and independence, while parents and siblings have also changed in their own ways. So, how can families navigate this sometimes awkward and emotional time? Let’s explore some key strategies to help parents and students make the most of winter break.
Handling the Re-Entry: A Delicate Balance
The post-Thanksgiving period can feel like the calm before the storm—everyone is recovering from the holiday hustle, but the next big adjustment is just around the corner. Parents have had their first taste of the “empty nest” life, and students are returning home, no longer as high schoolers, but as young adults with new responsibilities. The transition isn’t always easy, and often it takes both parties by surprise.
In a recent podcast discussion with therapists from the Richmond-based mental health company Active and Connected Family Therapy, Amanda Sovik-Johnston, Ph.D. offered insightful perspectives on this delicate balancing act. “It’s always tough,” she explained, noting that parents often hear from clients about the strain that comes with a college student’s return. This period is filled with anticipatory anxiety—parents worry about how their child will adjust, while students themselves are often navigating the pressure of coming back to a home that feels both familiar and alien.
Expectations vs. Reality: The Challenges of Change
For parents, the shift can be especially jarring. Your child is returning home with new experiences, new perspectives, and maybe even a new attitude. Many students come back feeling more independent, eager to reassert themselves as adults, which can create tension when parents still see them as their “little ones.”
Caroline Megargel, LCSW of A&C’s Charlottesville team described, “College is a social experiment. It’s where you become an adult for the first time. But that doesn’t mean you’ve got it all figured out.” Students may feel empowered by their newfound independence but still struggle with the realities of returning home, where they’re no longer in control of their environment. This can lead to frustration on both sides.
The key here is acknowledging that change has occurred on both sides. While students have been learning how to manage their time, make decisions, and even live with others in a dorm or apartment setting, parents have also adapted to life without them. “What we often see in therapy is that the dynamic in the family changes. Parents are adjusting to their own new roles and identities too,” Caroline pointed out. The absence of a child at home often means a change in household routines, and sometimes, even marital dynamics. This means everyone is going through a process of re-adjustment.
Managing Expectations: A Grace Period for Everyone
One of the most important strategies for handling this period of transition is managing expectations—both for parents and students. It’s essential for parents to temper their hopes for a perfect holiday break and recognize that there will likely be ups and downs. “Winter break is awkward for everyone,” Sarah Lewis, LCSW shared. “Your child may have been away for months, and now you’re thrown together in the same house for weeks with no clear role or purpose.”
Parents are encouraged to give their college student a 48- to 72-hour grace period to adjust. This allows the student time to unwind, recover from the stress of finals, and reconnect with their home environment before jumping into any heavy conversations or expectations. According to the American Psychological Association, families can benefit from clear communication and understanding during these emotional transitions. APA’s tips for managing college breaks offer helpful strategies for reducing anxiety and fostering healthy family relationships during re-entry.
Moreover, communication is key. Both parents and students should set clear expectations early on. This includes discussing house rules, curfews, and even things like substance use. Parents should be prepared to renegotiate the terms of living together, as the college student may now see themselves as an independent adult who wants more autonomy.
Renegotiating House Rules: Setting Boundaries with Flexibility
One of the most sensitive topics during winter break can be the renegotiation of household rules. For many students, college represents their first taste of full independence, and returning home means giving up some of that freedom. The balance here is tricky—parents want to maintain order and responsibility at home, while students are adjusting to living by different standards.
It’s essential for parents to approach this conversation with empathy and respect. Acknowledge the student’s newfound independence, but also establish non-negotiable rules. This might include curfews, limits on guest visits, and expectations around chores. At the same time, parents should be willing to offer some flexibility to accommodate their child’s newfound autonomy. The National Institute of Mental Health emphasizes the importance of understanding students’ emotional and mental health challenges during this period of transition, which can guide parents in setting realistic expectations. Learn more from the NIMH on college students’ mental health.
“Empathy goes a long way,” Sovik-Johnston noted. “Parents should remember that their student is transitioning between two worlds. They’re no longer the child who left for college, but they’re also not quite the fully independent adult they want to be.”
Handling Social Activities and Managing Time
Social activities can also become a point of tension during winter break. College students often have a busy social calendar and may want to reconnect with friends, but parents also need to balance this with family time and expectations around responsibilities at home.
Open and honest communication is the best approach here. Students should be encouraged to share their plans with their parents and consider how to manage both social activities and family commitments. For instance, setting aside specific times for family activities—like a movie night or holiday dinner—can create a sense of balance. It’s also important for parents to respect their child’s time management and give them some space to handle their social life, while gently encouraging them to pitch in with household chores or other responsibilities.
Mental Health Resources for College Students in Richmond, VA
Richmond, VA, offers numerous mental health resources for college students who may experience stress, anxiety, or depression during winter break. Local counseling centers like Active and Connected Family Therapy, Richmond provides services specifically tailored to the needs of young adults. In addition, for students who attend colleges in Richmond such as VCU or the University of Richmond, therapists at A&C can provide face-to-face therapy while at school and teletherapy while students are home during break as long as they are in the state of Virginia.
For those struggling with more acute mental health concerns, the VCU Health System offers urgent care and psychiatric support. The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) Richmond also provides educational programs and support groups aimed at families and individuals coping with mental health challenges. These resources can help ensure that students’ emotional well-being is prioritized during the break.
Final Thoughts: Making the Most of Winter Break
Ultimately, winter break is an opportunity for families to reconnect after months of separation. While the transition can be filled with challenges—emotional, logistical, and practical—there are also plenty of opportunities to bond, share experiences, and grow together. With clear communication, empathy, and a willingness to renegotiate boundaries, both parents and students can make the most of this time together, turning it into a valuable period of adjustment, understanding, and reflection.
Remember: every family is different, and what works for one may not work for another. But the key to a successful winter break is being open to the changes, managing expectations, and creating an environment where everyone feels heard and respected. Happy holidays!